'Shove' Dave's daftest Idea

This is probably the Prime Minister’s daftest idea.

Top Civil Servant Sir Bob Kerslake said that nobody asked for this. It was entirely Dave’s own idea.

I asked Sir Bob at a Select Committee this morning, ‘How did it happen? Did the PM breeze in and say I have had a great idea. I’m going to set up a committee of whips to give honours and medals to MPs and their staff. This June, they will have 4 knighthoods (or Dame-hoods) to give away plus lots of OBEs, MBEs, and BEMs.’

I continued, ‘Did you say, ‘That’s a great idea, Dave,’ or did you say ‘That’s a deeply stupid idea.’ Sir Bob blamed his predecessor.

The Public Administration Committee is looking at honours, their use and abuse. Belatedly the committee was informed of the creation of this brand new committee. It’s named grandly, ‘The Parliamentary and Political Services Honours Committee’ Its members are four Right Hons, two Lords, one Dame and one Baroness.

I tried to explain to the committee that parliament had abandoned the practice of dishing out gongs by the whips years ago. When I first became an MP, no Labour MP accepted an honour. All Tories had them automatically after 12 years in the job – except those caught out in possession of an intelligent or independent idea. The great Tory MP Robert Adley was denied his gong because he repeatedly thought and voted on principle. But the brain-dead and the lick-spittles were knighted.

Our witnesses today seem to believe that everyone is – or should be – gagging for gongs. I presume this committee will give knighthoods to Michael Ellis who has had the begging bowl out for cash to pay for a new royal stained glass window. It may be an attempt to tie in MPs to the dependency culture of the lust for honours. Most MPs who get gongs are ridiculed by colleagues. We all know our highest accolade is the letters ‘M.P.’ That is awarded to us by the electorate.

The new committee will strengthen the power of patronage of the whips. Why not create a new parliamentray award that will accurately describe the qualities essential to be favoured by the new committee. Why not ‘A knighthood of the Order of Lick-Spittles’ or ‘A Dame-hood of the obedient toads?’ 

It will be interesting to see what effect this grab for gongs has on the standing on MPs. We are already held in low esteem. Trying to gain more advantages for ourselves is not a good move.

This morning, I asked several MPs what they would do if they were offered a gong from this shower. I cannot repeat their comments. But they all said firmly and impolitely that they would refuse and suggest a different destination for the award.

The word ‘shove’ was heard more than once.

 

Comments

[D.G.]

They look pretty good glistening in the firelight, too.

My father used to sing a song that started "Build a bonfire, build a bonfire" to the tune of Clementine. His version would go on to "put the teachers on the top" (didn't like school much) but I'm sure it could be adapted for honours.

[HuwOS]

The proper placement of such awards is important though Paul, they can't just be shoved anywhere.
If the sun isn't sparkling off such shinys then people won't notice them and yet I suspect people are talking about placing them where there is little or no natural sunlight.