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January 30, 2008


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Anon France

Love the Murphy / Hain Blog poem!

What about this?

An ancient impoverished Politician meeteth three nerds bidden to a ‘Focous Groupe’, and detaineth one.

It is an ancient Tonyblair

And he stoppeth one of three

‘By thy manic grin and glittering eye

Now wherefore stopp’st thou me?

The conference doors are open wide

I’m invited to participate

The body searches’ almost done

They’ll bar me if I’m late’

He holds him with a withered hand

‘I was New Labour!’ quoth he

‘Hold off! Unhand me, bat-eared loon!’

Eftsoons his hand dropt he.

The participante is spell-bound by the eye of the old lying dog, and constrained to hear his tale.

He holds him with his glittering eye

The participant stood still

And listens like a chastened hack

The Tonyblair hath his will

‘The Party was cheered, the Tories cleared

Merrily did we chop

Away The House, away the State,

Away the whole damn lot…….’

The conference clone…..he shook his phone

Yet he cannot choose but hear

And so spake on that ancient man

The bright-eyed Tonyblair

The ancient Politician relates how his new Government sold everiething and bade diverse famous personages and the free market to control the countrie.

‘Prices went higher everyday

We sold off the mast at noon ……..’

The participant….. he began to rant

For he heard the words ‘per diem’

The celebrities were gathering all………

President Clinton paced into the hall

And she nor shy, nor nervous

Nodding their heads before her goes

The merry Secret Service.

The Participante heareth some Conference Theme Musick ; but theTonyblair continueth his tale.

‘The Unions came up from the Left

Out of Old Labour came they

I gave them cash they ne’er had seen

And honours bright, bestowed by the Queen

And they, on the Right,

Went down into the sea.

Cameron now came up on the right

Instead of Howard came he

And on the left, Gordon glowered

With his knife out, just for me

But a good market wind took up behind

T’was sure, we had control

We spent a ton of someone’s cash,

E’en debt was sold with such panache!

The money flowed with never a jag

A river steep and wide.

The Government layers did magnify

And debt lay all about

But the management fees

Were outsourced with ease

With that sweet borrowing

Beyond the shadow of The House

Rejoiced the management consultants

The nation bought their rich reports

In blue, glossy green and velvet black

And every word, though quite absurd,

every line was a perfumed distillation

(from the NHS to education)

of gold plated, perfect crap.

Oh happy living things!

No tongue their wisdom could deny!

God forbid I should give a back hander

- but they promised me a job for later!

Sure, my blue-skies policy

looked kindly on me

And I had a job for later.

Nor fret, nor plan

Like Superman

I crushed the hacks each month

It was such sweet enjoyment!

And a thousand, thousand slimy targets

Were counted for employment

At length did cross with Bush and Rice

O’er the pond they came

As such devout and Christian souls

I hailed them in God’s name

We waged crusades, that ere were waged

And slaked their thirst for oil

And if ever Dick Cheney called for more

We outsourced him all the toil

Shock and Awe sprang up ahead

The Tonyblair did his share

And everyday for food or play

Jumped to George’s ‘Yo, Blair!’

Yet I had done a wicked thing

And it would turn out bad

Of all the wars I waged the war

That now they called ‘jihad’.

Ah welladay!

That ever this should be!

What evil looks had I from old and young

Instead of a cross

A foot and mouth about my neck was hung

And now the market slowed

And it grew wondrous cold.

Debt mast-high came floating by

A trillion-pound black hole.

All, all were in debt

But Instead of good jobs

We made more yobs

And set the nation to gamble

We’d get them drunk!

We’d made them spend

What thrift that ere there was!

Till a great confydensse tryck, called Ye Private Ffinance Initiatives, came through the financial fog, and was received with great joy and hospitality.

And now the PFI came and it

was wonderous and strong

It struck with its leveraged junk bond funds

And drove us East along

And lo ! the PFI proveth a deception of good omen, and ye bookes were balanced in most seemly fashion.

The Debt did split like a thunder fit

Gordon steered us through

And a market surge sprang up behind

But the debt mountain did follow

And everyday with bills to pay

Came to the chancellors hollow

Down went the banks

The hedge funds went down

The sale of houses wallowing

We were the first that ever burst

Into that sea of borrowing

The Markets were here,

The markets were there

The Markets were all around

They cracked and growled

Outsourced and howled.

Like noises in a swound

With policies green and skies still blue

We stuck. No growth, no poverty reduction

As idle as an outsourced geek

Upon a system malfunction

Plastic, plastic everywhere -

But never a bank would lend

Plastic, plastic everywhere -

Nor any dollar to spend.

At home or abroad,

In the House with his hoard,

Gordon hovered for vespers nine

Through day and night,

Though media smoke white,

He plotted, biding his time.

The ancient Mariner suddenly resigneth from the House never to return and becomes a wandering soothsayer.

“God save thee, Ancient Tonyblair!

From the fiends that plague thee thus!

What’s it about?” Brown kicked me out.

With his great fist, he clunked the Tonyblair.

Alone, alone. All, all alone.

Alone in Connaught Square

But at least no Arab - if dressed in robes -

Could manage to murder me there.

To be continued…………

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